Pissing Contest

We may never know the true answer to the causality dilemma regarding the chicken or the egg. However, when it comes to our pets, there is a grey area when it comes to the discussion of which species is the actual pet.

In regard to dogs, it’s often asked which of the pair is walking the other. It’s said, unless it’s trained properly, a bird on the shoulder or any higher perch signifies dominance over its owner. Cats will be cats, which means they are assholes and should be accepted as such; they’ll demand much of their owners and will make their human counterpart work for affection.

After a week back at the old homestead, it’s safe to say that Lou — the stocky, short-tailed tiger — is continuing and sticking to his tendencies. Still, he’s significantly adorable as he his stubborn.

Being an adopted stray, his desire to be an indoor-outdoor cat will never leave. He’s grows stingier with age. During the last week of cold weather, blustery wind and consistent snowfall, his wee hours of the morning bathroom breaks were inconsistent and frustrating.

A couple nights he slept through until the morning. The other five were filled with one or two nightly disruptions.

It’s human of us to empty our bladder in the middle of the night. Which, being said, makes me or any other animal owner/sitter dealing with this situation sound like a hypocrite. However, we humans are not waking our furry counterparts up to let them know we have to go to the bathroom.

The Human

If we have to go to the bathroom. We just do.

  • Our brains tell us we need to urinate … or poop.
  • Our sleep is disrupted.
  • Our eyes open.
  • We groan.
  • We roll to the side and slide out of bed.
  • We drag our feet to the bathroom (and sometimes having to avoid the laser beam nightlight — whimsically referred to in the previous post).
  •  Turn on the light to kill our eyesight.
  • Internally die a little bit.
  • Flush.
  • Wash our hands (sometimes).
  • Return to the bed.

All of this is (should be) automatic for us.

If this was an equal relationship, we’d walk to our quadruped buddies, talk to them, pat their faces, grab on to their limbs or do whatever we have to do to create a stir.

The Beast(s)

lou

Don’t let those eyes fool you.

Maybe we can blame our four-legged friends for not having opposable thumbs — hey, the evolution has to kick in eventually — but they don’t have the issue of barking, whining, crying/mewing, guilt tripping or scratching a rug or side of the bed and comforter.

Lou sleeps in the bed with me. Sometimes up at the pillow, sometimes in the bend of my legs or between my calves. Despite being clock illiterate, the animals know what time to wake up, and they go through the same process of waking, stretching and walking. However, depending on the animal door or pee pad situations, they need a little help.

Lou, after realizing his food bowl is empty, returns to the room and meows until he gets a response. If not, he begins scratch whatever he can get in. Similar to the process of hitting a snooze button, I’ve learned that I can groan and shift a little to make him think I’m on my way down. He scurries downstairs, realizes I’m not there, returns to my room and I hit the snooze again.

Unfortunately, there is no turning that alarm off.

(Well, actually, there is. No need to go there.)

I groggily get up and trail him downstairs. The night light blasts me in the face, and I remove it from the outlet and suffocate the brightness in a dark corner.

Lou walks to his food bowl. I tell him, No, you’re on a diet. After opening the door, he walks out. Sometimes it’s a matter of minutes and sometimes it’s longer. If the climate was favorable, he could stay out with Lionel Ritchie. It may take him 45 minutes to return, because of a cat’s natural attention deficit disorder.

And Lou knows. They wall do.

  • He knows how to sleep through the night when I have nothing hectic going on the next day.
  • He knows to wake me up once when I have a somewhat busy day ahead.
  • He knows to wake me up more than once when I have an especially important day with multiple or important things planned.

Regardless, it’s an opportunity to beat the bladder to the punch/multitasking and to avoid another instance of having to wake up.

Verdict

No matter the case, the animal will always win. There really is no sense in trying to argue.

6 thoughts on “Pissing Contest

  1. I definitely don’t turn on the light in the bathroom when getting up in the middle of the night. I have these neat LED night lights that slowly cycle through the spectrum of colors. When the bathroom light phases through red, all is well. But throughout green and blue I usually keep at least one eye closed during the nightly shuffle.

    My quail calls in the morning if he thinks I am staying in bed too late, just as he’ll file similar complaints throughout the day if I am around but not giving him enough attention. No idea what noises he makes when I’m not there.

    • That’s soothing and not distracting. I think I could survive with something with softer lighting.

      That’s a comforting alarm clock. At least it’s not as jarring as a rooster crow. You should set up a recorder or camera. I bet he reads the newspaper.

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